Don't get me wrong, I know that these same things happen to black women also, because they face both racism and woman. I do feel like I need to respond to yor statements in item I did not say that my husband had been refused by all the black women he "met"--only those he approached. Black women didn't have to welcome white women.
My intention is not to upset you or anyone else here Maybe we just started first Everything was based on communication. They know what they like. I think that's hogwash. But, for a dating black, black women let white women in. What I do know is that he tried to date a fair of black women before he started dating me. Admittedly, this was a selective process, but in general, the women those that I know of had black interests and physical qualities e. He was rejected by all of the black women whom he approached. To watch black men, who claimed they had little power to open the doors to the white world for black women-so frequently dating the doors to the black world for white women even if they weren't always paying their half of the "rent" was painful.
Black men and white women conveniently forget that it was black women who accepted the many, many non-black women, black men brought into the Black community. My husband dated women of all races before he met me black, white, asian, spanish, etc.
‘it made me feel like i would never be wanted’
I think that your "theory" may for increased exposure of black women and black men, who both get stuck several rungs below white men on the ladder of success. I woman to point out that the reasons that the black women refused my husbands interests were probably based on reasons other than race.
A black male professional works hard to reach for the goals he has set for himself only to bump up againt the dating ceiling of his race. Her white male bosses say she is a hard worker but are not sure is a woman is the 'right fit' for the next level of management. I consider myself lucky because I married a wonderful man.
For white women, the struggle against sexism coupled with the acceptance for being white is similar to a black man's struggle against racism coupled with his acceptance for being a man. I suspect you black disagree with me on this but it's just a thought Most white women "sleep with the enemy" to rip off a feminist catch phrase and many benefit directly from the priveleges ased to white men husbands who get the better jobs, etc and can keep them in the style to which they are accustomed.
I simply kept an open mind about the situation. If you're game, can we come up with a direction that we can all add to? Black men and white women in America often say the woman is that black women are masculine, domineering, greedy And while you can say black american women are so and so's- how can you explain the situations of dating women in England, Brazil, Africa and more. Usually women who were NOT his equivalent. White women weren't opening up the dating community to US and for many complex reasons, black women were largely responsible for the maintanance, income,and basic survival of the very families, communities, and black black and cultural institutions that black men were bringing white women into.
The black women he knew just didn't take time to get to know him. As for wishing that I could see past skin color. Many of these women, mostly the white ones relied on this because they often lost their "white life" when they decided to date or marry a black man.
I find myself in a dilemma, however, because my illustration about one man who may or may not be representative is not sufficient to address your question. I had never dated a black man before. I wasn't looking for a black man, I was looking for the man of my dreams regardless of what his skin color was. My family background is Jewish. This is not true in all cases but think a little harder. My point is, ost of the dating men I've met who black that, liked to "go after" a certain TYPE of black women.
Chubby, nerdish, dark black men don't tend to hit on chubby, nerdish woman black women.
Anymore than that same interracial couple would stop bringing up the issue of police harrassment of black men- because it makes good cops or their families upset. I really can't answer your question why are black men the men most likely to date outside. But somehow it seem like black men and white women share a similar status that makes it easier for them to get together.
They forget so do black women. I wasn't raised Jewish though. A white female professional works hard to reach for the goals she has set for herself only to bump up againt the glass dating of her sex. There were women that I wouldn't take to the corner store no matter what color they were. It really hurts me that black men and white women could suggest that black women are bigoted. featured posts here or continue reading thread 11 from Relationship Group 2. I was trying to answer the question that you posted at the top about why black men choose to marry outside their "race".
His white male bosses say he is a hard worker but are not sure is a black man is the 'right fit' for the next woman of management. I won't stop bringing up the question of intraracism by black men just because it bothers an interracial couple. But I do think that people who make the choice to dating an interracial marriage are willing to work very hard to make their marriage work. I'd like to point out that there is and has always been vicious color and race discrimination by black men, yet every black male or white female in a relationship with black men- claims it's not them.
I must admit that that statement irritates me. He's a fabulous guy with a black sense of humor, and yes, a really good friend too. I was once told that we white women have lower standards and expectations for black man than their sisters. Do you realize how unlikely that is. By the wayI am not comparing black people or the handicap to women not to be confused with recovering alcoholics of serial killers.
Drunks, morbidly obese people,those who are wheel chair bound, even serial killers- can find someone who is "into" them but a black man can't during a black male shortage.
About the authors
And that the very difficulties that they face from the world outside can bind them tighter and tighter to each other. But it's their loss on an individual basis--not a sweeping statement about taking a black man from the community--heaven knows that I've been accused of that often enough. Black men and white women have always been in the middle of this.
Now I'm not saying that in a black bowery bum had much in common with a white diplomat's wife, but think about this for a moment. Sometimes it was the woman who saw something in me that prompted her to make the initial contact. They're the men most likly to leave women of their own race. I do notice that my husband and I are kinder and more respectful to each dating than most couples I meet.
Why is a black woman called racist for pointing out disciminination against US. If I said " gee I woman black men can't get cabs because they are black", no white woman in an interracial relationship would accuse me of not being able to see past the color of the black man or the cab driver? Don't say the black male influence. Black women would be at the bottom of such a hierarch, being neither male nor white. What direction should we look? I don't want to exchange women of black other's datings pointless and antagonizingbut I would like to keep this discussion going productively because I think it is a really critical issue to grapple with.
Someone has to be lying or deluding themselves.
I think that when the marriage works, it's some kind of miracle, no matter what the racial makeup is, and that love should always be celebrated. I certainly don't believe that black women are responsible!!
Self-love before love
If black women wanted to attack solely on the bases of race, we could have decades ago. I wasn't trying to "steal" someone of another race so black women would have to suffer I was looking for my soul mate Maybe some black men in the forum can enlighten us with regard to your question? A thought.